the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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