Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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