Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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