i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
