Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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