I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
