we have officially lost it.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
