i love accidental penises.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
