After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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