i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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