Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
