So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
