Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
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So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
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I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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