i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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