The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
