Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
