is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
