walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
