dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
