Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
