No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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