i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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