If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
