Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
