You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
