allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
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