I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
