I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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