I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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