at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
