i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
