I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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