halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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