My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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