Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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