I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
