i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
