It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
the raccoons are back...
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