even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
How's work?
Spinning.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
