Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
