Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
