On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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