I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
