you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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