after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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