It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
