I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
