I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
