Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
