Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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