I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Randomize
