Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
