im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The feeling are messing with the penis
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
