return my video game
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
