Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
