I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
