Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
