You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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