I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
