my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
