Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
