It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
