capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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