It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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