Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
