Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
