i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
