So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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