Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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