i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
