I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
