i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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