my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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