Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
