We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
