What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
