anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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